personal. February 8, 2010

Since this blog is about my personal self, I can talk about whatever I would like to talk about and how I would like to explain and describe and express ones self.
I have decided to try and keep my blogs more updated, talk about things that bother me and things that dont.
Lately I have realised I am not myself anymore. I am not that outgoing, bubbly, charismatic self. I am, but not to the extent that I was. I am holding back. Afraid to interact and talk to people, things running through my head as if they never did before. Questions like ” do you think theyll like me” ” Hopefully they like my personality
. And as I start to write this in my blog, I start to realise how silly that really sounds. But that is the way I think. I cannot help it. For those of you who have not read my blog before, you must be thinking “what a loony.”. Oh well, wise words I once heard from a public speaker, “it is what it is”. Leave. Go, If you dont like my words, my descriptions, my thoughts, go. I am not here to please you. I am here for myself. This is life, and I do not need your negative energy surrounding me.
People say such hurtful things without realizing how much they might actually hurt someone. Being a sensitive person, things hit me, alot harder than others. If you are sensitive you totally know what I am talking about. Being sensitive to everything people say, its hard for me to just shrug it off, and just forget out it. I hold onto things, and they constantly run through my head. Ill go home, lay down in bed and go through all my mental notes, then all of a sudden. “oh so and so think I am a bitch”. Those are the type of things that keep me up at night.
This is soooo bad for someone, because they end up losing the ones that love them because they are always stuck in a rut, taalking about how much something doesnt work out, or how much someone doesnt like them. This then bores the shit out of them and bam! theyre gone. But i feel for admitting this, i am actually helping myself a bit. It takes alot of balls to actually realise something is wrong, and I am hearing a lot of that lately.

I know I sound like im rambling. But this is just the way i am. And some people love me for that. So, It is what it is.
Be prepared for the me. the old me.
So and as a start. I will be reposting some of my old posts.
Hope you enjoy.
Love Always.

ToriaRhelle